Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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