i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
