wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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