I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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