hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
