and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
