I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
