help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
