I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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