Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
