My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
