He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
