What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
