Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
