started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
