Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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