it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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