I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
a search helicopter?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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