Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
