Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
