We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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