all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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