I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
