He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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