So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Houston, we have a blender
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
