Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
