Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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