Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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