you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
