I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
