So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
