They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
