Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
