Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
