how can u be prego again
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize