The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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