Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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