He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
