May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
