Where is the hickey?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
