I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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