Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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