hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
