he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
