Plan B is the new Plan A
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
