goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
