So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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