You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
