Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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