tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
