I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
