don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
