This house was built for laser tag.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
