Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
