my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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