Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
