She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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