Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
