my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You can't special order awesome
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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