literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
