They should really pass out barf bags in church
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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