Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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