me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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