i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
