just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
