butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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