North Korea, Best Korea!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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