thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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