I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
